


I'm Making It Work With The Cards I've Been Dealt

by limanade



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bars and Pubs, M/M, singer jo jinho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limanade/pseuds/limanade
Summary: Where even after 7 years, Jinho is still love sick for Hongseok. The symptoms may have visibly disappeared, but he can't help but linger.Basically Jinho is sad because Hongseok left, but then bam what happens?
Relationships: Jo Jinho | Jino/Yang Hongseok, Kim Hyojong | E'Dawn/Lee Hwitaek | Hui
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	I'm Making It Work With The Cards I've Been Dealt

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo I orignally wrote this 4 years ago, and then I didn't know how to end it so I just never finished it. Well now im tying up some loose ends. Also, Seunghee is mentioned, and I wrote her as Seunghee from Oh My Girl (not CLC) but really it doesnt matter anyways so yeah.

Highschool sweet hearts. 

That's what people called them as they walked down the hall together, hand in hand, sickening sweet smiles on their faces. That's what his friends nagged him about in good fashion, and what his parents adoringly thought as they watched this boy sweep Jinho off his feet in mere days. Until his eyes were glassy and bright.

Jinho truly thought with all his heart, that they were gonna die in love together. He thought they could've made it past all the useless rules and laws. Past the impossible.

The boys' parents were strict and tired, and they weren't exactly a picture perfect family who could pay all the bills with ease. He had chores, an early curfew, did most of the cooking, and all those rules lead to his dating life. If the boys' parents knew he was gay, he would be disowned.

They kept it a secret. Only in front of his parents, though.

Jinho treasured their secret little pecks and knowing glances and embarrassing confessions. Jinho loved the boys' dorky smile when he talked about the latest movies, and how cute he was with his round prescription glasses when he was studying for a test tomorrow. Even his naturally tanned skin was a plus to Jinho. The boy was kissed by the sun.

Jinho especially admired how the boy, despite being two years younger, was the one to make the first move. However cocky and bizarre his ideas may be, like deciding to eat a whole bucket of mini donuts under a minute, and then puking his guts out in a port o potty. Even then, Jinho's only thought was, " I love you."

The most fond memory he had though, was when they sang songs together. Jinho on the piano, and the boy singing along, their two voices blending as smooth as honey in the confined walls of the old practice room.

Jinho was head over heels for the boy, but one day, he left.

It was a pitiful, lousy text. It was after the day of Jinhos' grade 12 graduation. At least he waited till after his graduation, and kept up the act with pink roses as Jinho returned from the stage to him with his degree, and bright, hopeful eyes. They kissed at the back of the school, lips plush and soft as Jinho couldn't stop smiling. This boy gave him an unmeasurable amount of happiness. 

It didn't matter though, because the boy who brought pink roses was the one who took it all away.

-

As soon as Jinho read the text, he took the car and drove straight to the boys' house, heart beating in his ears. It was late at night, yet his senses were blown out of proportion as he drove readily close to the speed limit, and finally reached his lovers house. There was a storage company truck parked right beside Jinhos car.

The house, or more like shack was rundown and in need of remodelling. In the moon lit garden near the porch, there grew the same pink roses he received yesterday. Some had cut stems.

Jinho, on unsteady legs, determinedly made his way through the house up to the boys' room. Not before stopping in the living room because no one was home, only storage boxes filled to the brim scattered around. All that was left was the crumbling skeleton of a house and heavy furniture.

A letter was the only thing in the boys' room that gave Jinho a clue as to why the boy broke up with him. It was hand written lyrics of the song, Lay Me Down by Sam Smith, with the piano chords. In dull pencil at the top of the page, there was a faint date and two names.

Jinho cried underneath Hongseoks bed sheets, as he's done many nights before, and cuddled with the empty blankets instead of a warm body. Hongseoks scent was the only thing Jinho can physically cling onto, and heal the open wounds. It's warm and fragrant like the flowers in his garden, yet it was covered with a thin layer of salty tears.

His heart was shattered to millions of pieces, left there to rust till the ends of time, and there was a deep ache in his chest as if someone stabbed him. How could Hongseok leave so suddenly? Without a goodbye kiss or future promise?

The broken boy was shuddering with every hiccup in his chest, his eyes blurry and heart a mess. The tears wouldn't stop themselves, so Jinho let them fall freely as he tried picking up the pieces of his ruined heart.

Deep down, he knew this day would come, but wishful thinking was always a good thing, right? It wasn't, Jinho thought stupidly as he bawled his eyes out, tugging at the sheets while 'Lay Me Down' was playing in the back ground from Hongseoks outdated cassette player.

He might have known this was going to happen some day, but it didn't hurt any less. It was salt to the wound.

This song, had a special, specific meaning to Hongseok and Jinho. They’ve sung it a total of three times, but Hongseok wouldn't shut up about how much he loved it, the piano, the lyrics, the structure of the whole song and meaning. The younger even thought Jinhos skillful hands on the piano and their voices were better than the original. Over the three times they've sang it, Hongseok recorded the last one on a cassette, saying it was for 'safe keeping'. 

Although they've never talked about it, silently, Jinho understands. It was an unsaid agreement that whatever they had would end one way or another. He understands the underlying family issues from the beginning, and he was the one who told Hongseok 'yes'. He understands that it wasn't Hongseok who wanted to leave, but his parents, against his will.

It doesn't change the fact he has no idea when he will next see Hongseok, or that his heart feels like it's physically ripping itself out of his chest. Will it be a month? A year? 20 years? Never? In another life?

The older isn't sure, but for now he'll heal his heart as best as possible till he's ready for love again. Is this what the adults call, young love? A teenage dream?

Now Jinho waits, until the love of his life returns. Whenever.

-

7 years later…

A telephone pole standing proud full of advertisements had a particular 7" x 11" poster stapled to it. On it in varying colours of blue and yellow wrote the following:

!PENTAGON BAR!  
Live performances from local musicians and singers every Friday night! Don't miss it!!

[ JINHO performing live at Pentagon Bar! 10 pm to 11 pm every Friday night! Come and hear the voice of an angel and his skillful hands on the piano!! ]

[ HUI performing live at Pentagon Bar! 11 pm to 12 am every Friday night! Come and enjoy his self composed songs and live entertainment!! ]

[ E DAWN performing live at Pentagon Bar! 12 am to 1 am every Friday night! Come and get ready to groove!! ]

!University students YEO ONE, YANAN, YUTO, KINO, and WOOSEOK to be featured throughout the night! 

!Happy hour is from 4 - 6 pm!

Throughout the hour Jinho performed he did mostly semi raunchy jazz songs to lighten the mood, some frivolous love songs, and covers of his personal favourites. Only at the end like every night, would he play the same song twice. Or hundreds in this particular case.

"You don't ever give up, do you?" Hwitaek, or Hui, hollers as he downed another shot of vodka. "I don't ever wanna hear you sing the same sad boring love song again! I even know all the lyrics from all the times you've sung it, and I work at this bar once a week!"

Jinho rolled his eyes at Hwitaek who was a bit tipsy, as he gets the same speech every Friday night, 10:56 am sharp. It's 4 minutes till his times up, so his 'sad boring love song' at 11 pm in a shack they call a bar is currently on time and ready to go. He liked his job.

"Jinho man, I get the love of your life left and this song is like a mating call or whatever, but it's getting really depressing." Hyojung, better known as E Dawn, yells from the end of the bar. 

"Yeah, well you'll just have to wait till he comes back." Jinho stubbornly replies back. Hwitaek and Hyojung both turn and share the same look since Jinho first sang the song, the look that says, 'What are we going to do with him?'

"Hello everyone, for my last song I'll be playing 'Lay Me Down' by Sam Smith." Collectively around the room everyone groaned, Hwitaek and Hyojung louder than the others. Regardless, Jinho seated himself at the scratched wooden piano, and began to sing.

Hwitaek was mouthing the words unconsciously while Hyojung left and went looking for Shinwon, the bar tender, not that Jinho could notice. He didn't even need sheet music or lyrics anymore, the song was emblazoned in his mind. Every time Jinho sang the song, all he thought about was Hongseok. 'Lay Me Down' was a time capsule filled with bittersweet, hazy memories, yet so clear Jinho could never forget.

Before he knew it the song was over, and Hwitaek was getting ready to perform. "Thank you everyone, it's been a great hour! As always, it's Jo Jinho!" Shinwon, the bar tender/manager spoke into the mic as everyone applauded, and Yeo One walked 9k to the stage. "Now everyone welcome Yeo One, a third year university student who will be singing ' Then I Wonder' by Sung Si-kyung and Kim Kwang-seok."

In between the late hours university students would sing a song or two, or dance a small routine, or sometimes the two together. They didn’t get paid, but it was a forgiving audience. 

Now, no longer a student but a working adult has earned him $20 every hour he performed, and acted as a prop during the rest of the night, 9pm to 2 am, for cheaper. It was a once a week gig he got because Shinwon, the manager/bartender were university friends with him. Other than that, he dabbled in radio shows, local music festivals, other bars (but they didn't pay as well) and a TA for a music class.

The rest of the night followed suite, Hui, E Dawn, and then the university students. He went home without a hitch. 

-

Jo Jinho, being 25 and single ever since Hongseok left had to deal with the questions. Specifically, his parents.

His family was graciously kind and accepting when Jinho introduced Hongseok as his boyfriend, but 7 years down the road they became apprehensive. Jinho doesn't blame them, 7 years is a long time and Hongseok didn't exactly say he was coming back. It was false hope at worst, which is probably the most likely, but Jinho stayed right where he was.

He waters the garden by Hongseoks evicted house every week if there is no rain, even though it's owned by a nice elderly couple. They invite him in for biscuits and tea as Jinho pours his heart out, so they let him rule the front garden.

Never has Jinho missed a week, yet he has doubted Hongseok on several occasions, which lead to bad tinder dates and friend zones. His heart, bandaged up, still threatens to break when he thinks too deeply and darkly about his romantic future. Being alone for life wasn't terrible, but imagining Hongseok settling with a new girl or boy? His heart would be in ruins.

His parents chide him to date, which he has and miserably failed (eg. Tinder and friend zones as listed above). But because he loves his parents, he still tries. Yet above them all, he'll never give them pink roses. Not on his third failed date, or on his parents birthdays, despite his mothers favorite flower being roses.

Jinho's still waiting, staying and graduating in the same city, and now working. For all he knows, he'll most likely die in this city, just waiting for someone who might not even come.

He'll wait till he's on his deathbed, till death do them part. Isn't that what true love is? Waiting?

-

Sprinting to Hyojungs new gig at the radio shack, Jinho is from head to toe: soaked. The radio shack is a couple blocks away from the café he was in, coffee still hot in his hands, despite the chilly weather. 

Hyojung, who just had to invite Jinho as a special guest for his second show (his first week he had Hwitaek) was sitting comfortably in a office chair as Jinho found his room. He was dripping water onto the carpet as he stood in front of a disapproving Hyojung, professional head phones around his neck. "Are you just gonna stand there? We're on air in 2 minutes."

Huffing, Jinho peeled off his soaked sweater and took a seat next to Hyojung who was fiddling with the script. "Jinho, today we're dealing with the subject of lost love."

Jinho froze for half a second before regaining his normal posture, and taking a long sip of his double double. "Okay, sounds fine to me."

Hyojung gave him a 'are you kidding me' look, but then warmly responded. "I just wasn't sure if you were…gonna be comfortable with the subject. With Hongseok and all, not that you lost him or anything."

"Don't worry, besides we've got one minute till we're on air. Give me the rundown."

ON AIR

"Hey guys it's E Dawns Hour, you just listened to 'Get Ugly' by Jason Derulo. Now to get into our subject of the week I've brought along a friend of mine: Jo Jinho!" Hyojung has the audacity to fake excitement when mentioning his name, but his voice throughout is smooth and satisfying. " He's a well rounded singer and performer, so come on and introduce yourself."

"Hello everyone, I'm Jinho!" He applauds for himself and Hyojung.

"Well now that that's done, we can dive into our subject: lost love." Hyojung stops for a second after. He knows he has to let the listeners process the topic, and let the memories of that person or object wash over. Jinho does exactly that, eyes glassy, and the scent of pink roses drifted over him.

"I know it can be a heavy subject for some," Hyojung turns to face Jinho still half frozen in his memories. "But you can also learn and grow from it. To finding different parts of yourself you never knew, to working on your morals and yourself. Without that person, you wouldn't be who you are today, would you?"

Hyojung stares at Jinho, eyebags "I'm gonna play a song to let you think more about my statement, and if you know it, hit up the radio shack."

*New Man by Ed Sheeran is playing*

OFF AIR

-

Jinho does not work on his morals or anything Hyojung said at their little radio session, but he does think about it.

There's a missed call from his mother an hour ago. Later, she mentions a family friends daughter who's soon to be living near Jinho. She asks him to help her move into her new apartment down the street, and if maybe, he would agree to go on a date with her.

Jinho says yes.

Maybe he did listen to what Hyojung said, and just maybe he's changing his morals. Maybe there's more true love than just Hongseok in his life.

-

"Hi, my name is Seunghee. Thanks for helping me move into my apartment." Seunghee smiles like everything is going to be perfectly fine, and it's reassuring for Jinho, that what he's doing is also perfectly fine. 

Seunghee is a bit younger than Jinho, and shorter (that's a first) with long chestnut hair and cute bangs. Jinho thinks she's pretty enough and not a complete ditz, but he can't help but compare every candidate to his past lover. Hongseok never liked to lose either, and so far he was on a winning streak.

"Jinho, and it's fine, I had a free afternoon anyways." Which is true, (he was planning on binge watching master chef) he goes to shake her hand politely.

"Um about that date thing my mom proposed, it wasn't really my idea.I just wanted to let you know to not get your hopes up or whatever, but I wouldn't mind if you showed me around town a bit." She looks guilty, like she just cat fished Jinho through her family, but he feels a weight lifted off his chest that he unknowingly put there when he got the call from his mother.

"A ha, this turned out better than I thought." Jinho thinks they're gonna hit it off. "And yeah, I can totally give you a tour. Free of charge, only because you're new."

"Wow, what a discount! What would I do without you??!" Seunghee plays along, and Jinho can admit they would probably fit more as casual friends (and so does Seunghee), but he can say he tried for the sake of his mother. 

-

Seunghee and Jinho are walking past old outlet stores, their shoes making a satisfying knock against the cobbled street. They're headed to a popular café after Jinho gave a small tour of the area. There was the good hairdresser and the one to avoid, a bar (Pentagon), couple of miscellaneous shops and even a jeweller.

It was a perfect day for Spring in up street Vancouver. Cherry blossom petals were swirling in the air, and it wasn't too cold to need a jacket with the mellow sun beating down on you. Seunghee was wearing a tan cardigan that reminded Jinho of Hongseok, but it looked better on her, seeing it in person. 

Jinho chose a patio table for the two and quickly gave a rundown of the best drinks and snacks. They chatted in crisp air and silly remarks, until Jinho felt like his whole world was crumbling in slow motion. 

Behind Seunghee half a block away, he could make out a man wearing a long tan coat, with a neat button up shirt and tight, professional jeans. The mans face was still blurry, but his hair seemed to take a little wind damage, pieces blowing in time with the wind. The blurry man walked with an air of confidence in his stride that seemed to get faster the longer Jinho stared. 

It could've been a doppelganger, or Jinho's eyes playing tricks on him, or this is just some sick prank set up by Hwitaek and Hyojung, but it wasn't. This man was the same Yang Hongseok he knew and loved. As he got closer, Jinho realized adulthood had done Hongseok justice. Long legs, now at least a couple inches taller than himself, no longer has he a baby face, and his aura shouted business man, not awkward teenager. Hongseok had smouldering eyes as he walked down the cobbled road, his natural tan got darker giving him a sexy appeal, and his overall well being was off the charts. 

It wouldn't hurt to have Hongseok begging on his knees for him, but Jinho tells himself this isn't too bad either, his state of shock leaving him in a delirious haze. "Jinho? Are you even listening to my story?" Seunghee waved a hand in his face, snapping him out of a trance like state. "Are you okay?"

"Uh huh…" Jinhos mouth was hanging open, almost drooling, but he didn't dare move, too scared that if he did the man would disappear into smoke. Hongseok was here. He imagined this scenario countless times, but now, with Hongseok arriving after 7 years, Jinho is frozen.

Although frozen wasn't quite the right word. Inside his chest, his heart was beating so loud he could hear it in his ears, threatening to burst at any moment. Jinho didn't know what to feel. Mixed emotions were running through his mind, blurring into a state of shock. Thus, frozen.

Seunghee turned to see a man walking straight to them, stared a little funny, and went back to her latte. 

In Jinhos view, he can suddenly see Hongseok stiffen and stop in place, still meters away. All of this air and poise and confidence Hongseok was walking with disappeared in mere seconds. Instead of a smouldering man striding up to Jinho, there was now no one. In place of Hongseok were now fallen cherry blossom petals decorating the cobbled road. As it were a magic trick, Yang Hongseok disappears without a trace.

He ran away. 

Jinho abruptly stood up, ready to chase after the coward he so dearly loved, but a tendril of doubt stopped him. A realization he had blinded himself to.

Partly Seunghee, partly his mother, and partly for his own well being. What Jinho had was unhealthy, this obsession of a man he hasn't seen in nine years. He can now see it as clear as glass. All his parents "needless" worries and friends nagging were put in perspective and fit the twisted puzzle Jinho made himself. How could he trap himself to tunnel vision? If Hongseok didn't want to see him so badly, he should've never shown up in his hometown. That is why he ran away, right? At least Jinho can finally let himself free, but not without some answers.

There's no other love interest or hobby that's forcibly pulling him away from Hongseok but himself. He's doing this for all the lost time day dreaming, worrying, and sleepless nights about Hongseok, Hongseok, Hongseok. When it rains at night are the days he becomes bedridden. The failed tinder dates were because deep down inside, he wanted them to fail. He purposely quit whoever over any tiny problem or flaw, and yet he convinced himself that it was because they just weren't compatible. 

He'll get his answers, his 9 years of wondering finally coming to a halt, just not exactly right now. He admits that after 9 years he is truly tired. Impossibly tired, but right now he's with Seunghee, a good friend, and he'll enjoy the day giving her a tour. Surely he can do that much. 

"Jinho, are you alright?" Seunghee asks, voice worried. "Is that man stalking you? I'll beat him up for you if you want."

Snapped back to reality, Jinho whole heartedly smiles back. "Actually more like the opposite, and no I don't need you to beat him up. It's just…a thing of the past."

Seunghee nodded in respect of Jinhos barriers of the subject, and also stood up with a reassuring smile. "Weren't you gonna show me the infamous flower shop next?"

Staring at Seunghee's distracting face, he blinks blankly. "Of course, let's go!" Jinho takes one last look where Hongseok last stood, and walked in the other direction. The roses at the flower shop won't water themselves.

-

Spicy Ramen? Of course!

Hwitaek takes the 12 pack of ramen into the shopping cart and continues onto the frozen goods. It's a nice afternoon of quiet shopping in the cheapest grocery store, with the artificial lights flickering occasionally. 

Milk? Nope, wait yes. Jinho drank the rest this morning.

Scanning the milk section, Hwitaek takes a 2 litre and places it next to the fresh carrots. Moving into the fresh frozen dinner aisle

Oven Ready Dinner for Two? Perfect.  
Now the harder question is, do I choose spaghetti or lasagna?

Hwitaeks debating which one Hyojung will like more when he catches sight of a sad man gazing at the ice cream aisle. He looked liked a typical collage student, and was acting as if he just got dumped after a five year relationship, his eyes blank and hunched over. Dried tears and watery eyes decorated his face, yet he dressed in such professional attire. Dress pants, a button up shirt, and a long, crisp coat.

Mumbling to himself, the sad man was debating ice cream flavours out loud. "I can't have rocky road cause that was *hiccup* 's favorite…..strawberry reminds me of *grunts* love, something ill never have….napoleon has too many flavours…"

Begrudgingly, Hwitaek felt the need to console the man, something about him pulled on his moral conscience. Hwitaek nervously walked up to the man and gave a slight cough. "Hey there, rough day isn't?" 

The man, startled, quickly began rubbing his watery eyes away and chuckled. "Yeah, it really is rough. L-love is the worst." 

"Uh, yeah, love is the worst. It's terrible, totally overrated." Hwitaek tried to sound as supportive as possible, but with his spaghetti vs. lasagna debate in the back of his head, he really can't relate. The ice cream man rambles ahead, not caring if Hwitaek listened at all. "I just wanted to be something better a-and look where I ended up! *sniffles* I'm so dumb! S-Stupid! Stupid! Why did I l-leave in the first place?"

"Um, If you wanna talk about it from the beginning I'm here to listen, I've got an hour before I've got to head back home." Hwitaek inquired, giving the man a hopeful look.

The man seemed to doubt Hwitaeks offer, but nodded seconds later. He sat down on the dirty grocery floor, leaning onto the ice creams aisles while Hwitaek mirrored him. The man started, opening a tub of unpaid ice cream. Rocky Road. "Well, there's this guy…" 

And that's how Hwitaek got pulled even deeper into the 10 year mess that is Hongseok and Jinho.

-

For once in Jinhos life he doesn't stay up contemplating about Hongseok. No more wondering about what he could've done to fix, or prevent what has already happened.

He simply doesn't stay up contemplating anything. No longer are there dreams of bronze skin or the scent of fragrant roses. Just relief, yet the scent of real roses still linger in his wake. 

-

Friday night feels a bit different for Jinho and Hwitaek. Both for opposite reasons, yet caused by the same person.

It's 9:52, 8 minutes till Jinhos up to perform and his hands are shaking, odd, so he finishes his glass of beer and takes a quick shot of whatever Hyojung had. Pre performance shots are a given, they're in a bar, and they get bottomless drinks courtesy of Shinwon. The piano, mic, and lights are already set up as Jinhos gingerly sitting beside the stage.

In his hands he plays with his set list: Ed Sheeran, Count Basie, Frank Sinatra, and Sam Smith. Jinho completely scrapped his original set list after seeing Hongseok, and now its filled to the brim with sentimental tunes. He'll admit it's not all sad though, he put in some cheesy love songs he and Hongseok used to sing together. Maybe this will finally provide closure, is what Jinho thinks, but there's a tiny part of him that wants Hongseok to come to the bar and recognize the song like so long ago.

Jinhos not quite sure what to feel of Hongseoks return, closure is one option, especially with the songs he's picked, but one thing for certain is he's done waiting. It's not like Hongseok will know what bar he performs at, it's not like he hasn't been a part of Jinhos life for the past 9 years. The only thing Jinho wants to clear up with Hongseok is why he came back with no notice, alert, or text message saying he was doing fine for the past 9 years. Hongseok probably showed up for a completely different reason and accidentally saw Jinho.

"Jinho, you look nervous! What's up?" Hwitaek said giddily, poorly masked by the way his smile was so wide. "Scanning the evening crowd?"

"Yeah just nerves. Why are you so happy?" Jinho asked. "Wait, did Hyojung finally get a clue about your huge crush?"

"Hah, he's as dense as a brick! And no, sadly, but I can't tell you the reason why I'm smiling so hard. You'll get it as the night goes on." Hwitaek replied cryptically, winking. At the sight of the wink Jinho gagged. It didn't help that he actually felt a little sick after hearing Hwitaeks words, a vague but possible idea forming in his head since the last time he saw Hongseok. How stupid was he?

9:58 pm

Smoothing out his shirt and subtly making sure his fly isn't down, Jinho does one last scan of the crowd. As much as he wants closure, he can tell by the way he's scanning the crowd that he wants just as much for Hongseok to be in the crowd. He wants Hongseok to be spellbound, to forget how to speak, and to look at Jinho as if he was his biggest regret. Jinho wants it all.

10:00 pm

"Hello everyone, it's Jo Jinho as always." He can feel his voice tremble slightly; it's out of place. "Tonight I'll be singing a couple of songs that were…uhm are dear to me. H-hope you enjoy!"

Taking one breath to ready himself, he started with Ed Sheeran's Perfect. One by one he knocked down each song with more abandonment then the next. It was perfect closure. Jinho could feel the weight lifting off his shoulders pound by pound. He didn't even notice the crowd, lights dimmed and too focused on hitting each note perfectly and each key on time. All Jinho could see was the sentimental sheet music.

10:56 pm

Time was running faster than Jinho expected, so he pulled out the last song of the night: Lay Me Down. He can still faintly see the scratchy graphite writing. Barely visible, but Jinho knows exactly where to look, despite this being the first time he's played it in 9 years. Without even glancing at the lyrics his brain seems to remember every tiny detail, including Hongseoks part, as if it's muscle memory. 

His hearts beating so loud it sounds like a bass drum, but Jinho knows that the audience can't hear anything. The audience doesn't know all the memories behind it, and so Jinho continues like he isn't scared witless, despite his mind going completely blank. The audience doesn't know how his heart aches. How it feels like it's craving something impossible, yet right in front of him. It's tantalizing and at the same time pathetic to hold on for so long. 

His fingers are hittin' the keys and his voice rings out for anyone in the bar who wants to listen, for anyone who's merely passing by. The lights are dimmed inside the bar to create an 'atmosphere', but all Jinho can see is the piano keys, and his hands on autopilot. Before he realizes it, its over, and there's a gentle applause. He bows, and leaves the stage. 

Deciding it's a bit too crowded in the bar, Jinho makes his way to the back of the bar until he's outside and leaning against the brick wall. It's warm enough, and the air is like molasses to his lungs. Clinging and struggling to breath, he feels like he's gonna pass out. At least the cherry blossoms are in bloom. 

After a couple of minutes to catch his breath, the backdoor opens and out comes a nostalgic figure. Oxygen seems like it seeped out of the air, and he's suspended in water. He doesn't dare to get a direct view of the man in front of him, and the other man doesn't let him. He stands a meter away beside Jinho, his hands hiding in an expensive trench coat.

Jinho knows its him, and all previous game plans are gone. The silence is deafening, and he can't help but hyper focus on the flickering light above them. Beside him, he hears the man shuffle, and in an easy voice…

" You remembered."

It's like a switch has been turned on in Jinho. "It's hard not to," he retorts back. And then immediately feels the regret seep into him. He continues to stare ahead. 

"I... Can I explain myself?" 

it sounds so innocent and desperate that Jinho wants so badly to make him feel the pain of all the sleepless nights and crushed hope. So he does. How dare he have the audacity to explain himself, as if there would be no consequences, as if the past 7 years just didn't occur and floated by in the blink of an eye. It didn't. Jinho can't count the number of times he couldn't get our of bed, or the feeling of dread, creeping up on him day by day.

Jinho turned to his high school sweetheart, never meeting his eyes but looking only to seize his target, and in a rage of fury, he let's loose. Punch after punch, his knuckles are starting to hurt. The luxurious fabric is rough against his piano hands, but he can't feel it. His visions blurred by his tears that started as soon he turned to him. It's not fair that the man in front of him isn't even acting like it's hurting him, that he's so stable it's as if a particularly strong breeze came his way. 

Eventually, it comes to a halt, and Jinhos gripping his wrinkled coat just to keep himself upright. His breath comes out ragged, and his eyes have swollen. Allowing himself this one last guilty pleasure, he trails his vision up till he makes searing eye contact. "I- why did you leave... Hongseok? 

And Hongseok is the first one to break eye contact. Trapped between Jinho and the wall, he looks up to the sky, and swallows. "Scared. I got so scared of the world. Of my parents, my future, and of you."

Age has done well on Hongseok, Jinho decides, enamored. Handsome features that got more prominent, and lost some baby fat. Whatever chance there was of Jinho getting over him, has disappeared in an instant.

Hongseok continued, "one night, my parents told me they knew of us. I feigned ignorance, but they knew. They took my phone and told me to pack my suitcase, because they already arranged for me to go to some fancy private school." Hongseok blinks back some tears, and his hands are trembling, "I tried to write you a letter, but they found it and burned it, Jinho. It felt like my whole world was caving in."

Processing all of this only makes Jinho grip Hongseoks jacket tighter. This is it. This is what Jinho has been waiting for, but it's not a confession. It's an explanation. 

Hongseoks voice wavered, but regardless he kept talking. "Once I graduated from med school, my parents finally got off my back. Since the day I left, you've always been at the back of my mind, flitting around. "He finally met Jinhos eyes, and stared at the face that had been haunting him for so ages. 

"Jinho, I know you might be dating someone or even married, so all I'll ask is for your forgiveness. I screwed up, and I should've contacted you earlier but I was terrified of the prospect that you would hate me. I couldn't deal with it." he mumbled the last part, and then looking down at his feet, he confessed," I'm sorry."

And Jinho had no words. No amount of conversation could equate to his sheer bliss and relief. Letting out a genuine smile, Jinho enveloped himself around Hongseok. Hugging him so tight he couldn't ever leave again, not because of outside forces, at least. Hongseok, dumb struck, finally let's the tears fall, and breathing in Jinhos scent. Familiar and sweet, he knows that this is the rebirth of something beautiful.

To the naked eye, you would see a skimpy alleyway being illuminated by a defective, flickering lamp. It casted a florescent glow across the grimy lane. Brimming with crisp air, the saccharine scent of roses and cherry blossoms was overwhelming, and tucked in a corner stood two people. Draped around each other, only the moon stood witness.


End file.
